I just realized it, part of it due to listening to a podcast, part of it by the evidence signs of tightening sensation that makes me hard to breath everytime i think about my problem(s). What are my problem(s) ?
Let's list them all shall we
1. Money problem -> which now is a minor issue thanks to God
2. planning and tidiness problem
3. most potent, school work(s)
But after i listened to the podcast, I realized that I shouldn't give any limelight to the fear and problems.
I shouldn't even LET them to enter my thoughts.
yes, I have to learn to make my thoughts captive, take control of it...
BUt you know what is the most refreshing revelation I had from God ?
Well, actually I already being told this by the leaders over and over again.
But it's only now that I understand, as if the veil that cloud the thoughts have been lifted up.
GOD wants to SET ME FREE
GOD wants to HELP me to be free
notice the help part ?
You know, I used to think that by following a set of rules, I can grow.
Lately I've imposing these rules in order to HELP me to grow and to be free
Well, newsflash, I DON'T need them.
God says, chuck them all and follow ME
focus on ME
I realize that instead of helping me to be free, these rules are instead bogging me down, making me weary by their heavy weights and standards
and most importantly, they mock me when I (obviously) cannot cope with the standards
and the saddest part, here's when the "pity party for me" began
I began to feel down, feel pity and incapable, etc etc
(well, you know the details)
and wow, after hearing such revelations from God, I feel much lighter already cos
1. My worries and doubts, my weaknesses and inabilities are no longer become mine
instead, they are God's assurances, God's faithfulness, God's strength, and God's ability
from IMPOSSIBLE to I'M POSSIBLE =)
2. God's way is not my way (ie. human's way)
God is the God of supernatural and He deal with things extraordinarily
I might not be able to move a mountain, part the sea
but God, well he created them yeah*, is able
(*by commanding them, in ONE week)
I might not be able nor have the strength or time to solve even one of my problem, but God is able
He is God of the universe, He created them and He rules over them
He is SO much bigger than my petty problems
3. The 'sacrifice' or the price that God asks is. . .
well, faith and obedience
just like the salvation that He offered me,
By grace through faith,
Not because of my good works
not because I deserve them
But it's by faith I shall receive
So, "with faith as small as mustard seed" I shall move the mountain
and faith without action is as good as dead
Notice that I used to mistake action with "keeping the record clean, faultless"
now after God shows me that faith in action means following what He told me to do and relying on faith alone, whereas I used to do it the other way around,
Do my best, MY way and "believing" that I can move the mountains
No wonder I feel so tired, cos it's impossible for me to grasp the mountains let alone to carry them and move them
"we don't get what we deserve, we get what we believe (have faith) for", is what the preacher in the podcast was saying,
and I thank God for helping me to understand that
we are not great nor strong enough to carry the weight, but
He is ABLE and He is WILLING to help us and He INVITES us to tap into His power
"COME to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I WILL give you rest
Take MY yoke upon you and learn FROM ME,
For I am gentle (love this part) and humble in heart,
and you WILL FIND rest for your souls
For MY yoke is easy and MY burden is light" (love this part too ^^)
ps: you know when you are tempted (facing problems) it means that
1. you are moving into the right direction, thus satan wants to stop the growth
2. God is raising the standard of your yoke, and since He only gives what we could cope, so in the same way He trains us to be better ! The easiest way to illustrate this is when you play games, the higher the level and our skills, the more challenges we face.
SO let's be grateful for challenges and trials cos then only we can grow =)
(yes, God is always using any of satan's attempt for our benefits instead !)
